I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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