And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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