he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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