dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I intend to get homeless drunk
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
