We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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