Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
