Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
