I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize