this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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