She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
