Pappa wants mamma naked
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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