he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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