soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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