i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
