wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
