Do you still have your period?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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