I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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