Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
