we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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