I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
