yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
