omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
