I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
