My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
