wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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