Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize