well I can't set my house on fire every night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
