so that wasnt chicken after all
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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