I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
