That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
