i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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