im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
