So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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