There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
