Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
