You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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