i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
