I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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