if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
