Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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