I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
