dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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