I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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