i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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