I met the friendliest cop last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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