im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
