apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
