I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
