I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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