Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
