he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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