If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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