I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
