I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
