you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
