I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I enjoy the company of your penis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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