Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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