I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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