My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
