He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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