I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
