So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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