what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
