i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
