I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
