WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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