I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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