How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she looked like the before picture.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
