The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
