Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
