Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
bring money and cleavage
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
