Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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