That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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