You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
