first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
