can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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