have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
