Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
