He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
