My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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