i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
